Tuesday, May 9

30

Assalamualaikum my semi private diary. 

Dear self,
You are 30 years old now.
Was it yesterday i am 18 years old?
Happy with my SPM result and was deciding whether to be a teacher or a doctor,

But now, life is good so far, 
Married with a nice soft spoken gentleman, 
Blessed with a kid, 
A job you can cope and you actually love,
Bought a house,
Learned to drive and swim,
Embracing your insecurities,
Trying to be better.

Sometimes life is also down,
Contemplating to add another commitment,
Struggling with uncertainty with the future,
Losing your beloved one,
Symptoms of aging starts to say hello,
Deciding a place to settle down,
Is it a place you love or a place near your love?
Will you live a long life?
Will you this, will you that...?

Just let all the question be,
For now, let see where life will lead us to.

All the thoughts I had,
I want to keep it here
So I can read it again,
When I'll become 40
Insyaallah if Allah will.

Tuesday, November 10

Pregnancy During Housemanship


Assalamualaikum. 

Hi everyone its me again writing to myself like someone is reading, lol.


So i started my housemanship at Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah in November 2019.  My first posting is paediatric department. I was positive pregnant at the end of my 1st posting which honestly was an ‘oops’ baby (thats what they called it right).. We were using calender and barrier method initially well somehow it didnt work for us 😂. But alhamdulillah we were happy with the news.


Initially i had a mindset that having a baby during HOship is hard, the schedules are tight, there are lots of assessment and presentation, HO need to come early as possible, the contract worker pressure etc etc. Which the main point is BUSY. Hoewever after i started my HOship, i think its actually bearable and manageable.  The number of HOs is increasing, the number of patient somehow is reducing due to Covid 19, the MOs and specialists are not that scary (well there are many of them who are very malignant but the nice one are more). And the second thing we observed is being a MO is lot busier than HO, especially the contract MO who get lesser salary compared to HO, no more flexi shift which means oncall shift = you are working for 36 hours straight. 


So we were like, its maybe not that bad to have a baby during housemanship, is it...?


So me bukak buku pink at 8 weeks of pregnancy. Too early i told ya. The earlier you open your pink book, the more TCA you will get. Haha. 10-12 week is okay. I was asked to do MGTT in view of my father having DM and dangg my 2HPP is 8.6 (far away from the normal value which is 7.8 😂) so GDM and BSP lets be bff for the next 8 months.... Luckily my BSP were okay so no need insulin and OHA.


ANC

1. GDM on diet control

- BSP always optimised 


My 1st and 2nd trimester mostly in my second department which is O&G and yaaa like others said its quite challenging dealing with the morning sickness. Luckily mine was not that bad, only vomited maximum x 3 per day (very rare) and mostly because of i couldnt smell things including my husband’s smell. Most importantly it goes away during my 2nd trimester and did not affect my appetite so i ate double my usual portion which was good for me and the baby. Some people lost their appetite due to hyperem despite their empty stomach thus lead to dehydration which usually need ward admission.


However i admitted pregnancy during HOship need few precaution and consideration especially from deparment captain and colleagues in aspect of heavy workload and schedule. I remembered during 12 week of pregnancy, i was on night shift at MOT. Unluckily got few non stop admission for emergency LSCS that night and all the patients are in the group obese-morbid obese. As second assist during the operation, i needed to do fundal (pushing baby’s buttock from above) and seriously it was very difficult if the patient was obese, you need to use all your body’s weight to give pressure to the fundus. (All babies are okay that night alhamdulillah). Later around subuh i started to feel cramp at my lower abdomen and got fresh blood PV bleeding. I was so nervous before doing scan at PAC luckily the FH was still there alhamdulillah, thus i was treated as threatened miscarriage and mc given for 1 week, yeay but not yeay i got extended 1 week in O&G. 


ANC

1. GDM on diet control

- BSP always optimised 

2. H/O threatened miscarriage at 12/52


After the incident my very nice angelic captains never put me in MOT ever ever again (plus they granted my request everytime). Thank you captain amalina and athirah i love you guys so much ♥️😍 


My third trimester was in medical department. I heard a lot of comments regarding this department and most of them giving me sympathy for entering medical during my 3rd trimester. I was scared too. But alhamdulillahhhh again my captain were very nice, he put me tagging in first class ward which he claimed the most ‘relax’ place in medical in view of most patients are stable thus less acute cases requiring CPR/intubation/lari2 pergi bloodbank/ICU etc etc.


Unexpectedly, I was blessed with so many things, alhamdulillah. I offtagged after 1 week+ with specialist, all the MOs and specialists are super nice and angelic, all the SN MA PPK too, my colleagues were fun to work with also and all patients also very nice, loving and cooperated well. I dont know if this is pregnancy hormones but i felt loved by everyone and i love everyone too! I ate TDS dose during working sometimes QID. Akak2 SN and sisters always care about me with non stop sharing tips regarding pregnancy. I never enjoyed working as much as i am when working in this department.


First and foremost it is Allah’s Blessing and Power that ease many things for me. For example my night shift i never get more than 3 new admission (which we called it anti jonah), all blood taking are easy, colleagues that were helpful, nice MOs etc. There were difficult situations i admitted, but they were all manageable and enjoyable, alhamdullillah. 


Pokoknya saya ingin bilang, Insyaallah Allah akan permudahkan urusan kita baik melalui menghadirkan orang2 yg baik di sekeliling kita atau melalui kemampuan kita untuk menjalani situasi yg susah. Gitu. Insyaallah. 


Regarding TCA with KK, actually it was quite difficult to comit follow up with the KD and KK as well, especially during 3rd trimester, plus having GDM does not make it easier as i need my BSP to be reviewed by MO monthly. But like i said, request your schedule (including husband’s too) earlier and nice captains will always grant it. After all it will be manageable insyaallah. Thanks to SN Kak Ina and JM Kak Zu for taking care of me during my pregnancy ♥️


I heard lot of people said most pregnant HOs usually had premature delivery due to stress and heavy workload. Im scared too thus i always had mindset to deliver at 37/52 which is good enough as long as the baby is term. Suprisingly i delivered at 39w+1d. Rasa  lamanya bila baby nak keluar sampai tahap nak minum air selusuh 😂


Above all, for me, a supportive and loving husband is the main reason for a hawppy pregnancy. Hehe. Special and many thanks + loves to my husband for loving and taking care of me (urutkan, suapkan, belikan itu ini, layan nak makan byk benda, nak pergi mana, paksa saya exercise, perineum massage kan, temankan saya ke every TCA, dll terlalu banyak untuk dimention)... I love you so much ♥️


Thats all, my 1st happy pregnancy journey during my HOship. 


“If Allah brings you to it, He will bring you through it.“


Be positive! Adios! Assalamualaikum.





Saturday, June 16

Ayah

"Ni kali terakhir ye ely jumpa ayah sebelum ayah gi sana? Ayah risau ni terakhir ely jumpa ayah. Kalau ayah tak balik dah, ely jaga lah adik ely ye. Siapa tau ayah ada rezeki ikut jejak arwah abah ayah meninggal kat sana."

Tangan yang masih mengurut bahu kiri ayah rasa menggeletar. Napas jadi semakin cepat namun ditahan perlahan. Tanpa mau, air mata menitis jua. Semoga aja ayah tidak mendengar. Kebiasaan tidak suka orang tau saat menangis.


Semoga selamat perjalanan pergi dan balik ayah. Semoga diberi kesihatan yang baik sepanjang ada di sana. Semoga mendapat haji yang mabrur. Amin insyaallah.


Ely sayang ayah. 

# Minyak cap kapak dan bahu keras 

Friday, May 18

Facing it

To go home again
To see the room
To hold the clothes
To smell the scent
To enter the kitchen and all spaces
Filled with memories of her
Time to face it
Am not strong
But will be strong
💪

Sunday, April 22

Miss

I'm not yet fully accepting the truth that she's gone.

I'm just running away from it.

30

Assalamualaikum my semi private diary.  Dear self, You are 30 years old now. Was it yesterday i am 18 years old? Happy with my SPM result an...